The contents of Trump’s safe

Definitely blackmail files on all current Republican officeholders. That's why they're freaking out so bad and calling for Merrick Garland's head.

Blank Non Disclosure Agreement forms?

Here is the most common defense of Trump from his base:

• His abysmal and embarrassing K-12 report cards, SAT scores, and college transcripts

•huge shit list of anyone and everyone who has ever been disloyal

•detachable bone spurs

• sexy love letter to his mother

• unused condoms

•little black book

• covefe

• 1 dozen cans of orange spray tan

• Stormy Daniels Barbie Doll

• extra extra large female panties, bras, and stilettos, size 13

Viagra

Depends

Cases of diet Coke

His new toupee

These shoes (previously worn by Melania on a photo shoot)

Geraldo Rivera should open Trump's vault on live TV.

1) a bunch of nude pictures of a blonde who looks suspiciously like Ivanka.

2) Lauren Boebert’s ultra-secret sex tape.

3) $1,000,000 in unmarked nonsequential bills.

4) a forged diplomatic passport in the name of “John Barron.”

5) a black toupee and a pair of Groucho Marx glasses with nose and mustache.

6) the genitalia of every Republican in the Senate and House of Representatives.

of course, I’m probably completely wrong.

In all seriousness, though, I have a bad feeling we’re going to find out trump was the most damaging de facto spy in the country’s history.

Perhaps those long-hidden tax returns that Congress just got hold of. And maybe a printout of a pic of Alex Jone's wife, forwarded from Roger Stone... We can dream.

Dearest Vladimir

Thanks for letting me have that site in the middle of Moscow to build my new hotel.

As promised, in return I enclose the secret plans for that super-duper fizzy rocket thingy they are testing in Area 51.

I look forward to visiting your dacha soon.

I love your FSU girls.

Love from your loyal fan

Don

(Cc. Kim Jong-un)

Maybe some had no faith in cooperation and destruction of evidence was likely?

Rarely has there been such a sensitive time in US politics

There is a school of thought that the timing of this search is designed to avoid the long-held maxim that the Justice Department does not engage in actions that are deemed politically sensitive, near the time of an election.

We are exactly three months away from the poll that will determine the makeup of the next Congress, and rarely has there been such a sensitive time in American politics.

The November result will determine Joe Biden’s ability to get things done in the next two years of his presidency and could mark the start of another Trump campaign.

The former president certainly believes the motives behind the “raid” were entirely political, a move designed to scupper his chances of running for the White House in 2024.

There is much that we do not know, but Trump’s supporters are apoplectic with rage at what’s happened.

It is an open question why a search warrant was needed to enter Mar-a-Lago when the former president said he had been cooperating with the relevant government agencies, but it is a hugely significant move by the Justice Department.

1: Ivanka's DNA, so she can be cloned for him to marry the clone.

2: Teeth taken from Ivanka, to get the DNA.

3: Pre Nup the Ivanka clone must sign before they marry.

4: Microchip so clone Ivanka can be tracked 24/7.

5: Shock Collar with remote for Ivanka clone, to be used on her when she's disobedient.

*zapping sound* They're highly effective, um, so I'm OUCH! told...

1: Actual X-rays of his heels show no bone spurs

2: Sex tapes with himself, Stormy, and the other chic

3: Dirty photos of Ivanka; photos of himself w/Ivanka

4: Burner phones that were used to help plan stolen election/Jan 6th

5: Sex tapes with himself, Boebert and MTG

6: Map showing where Hoffa is actually buried

Erased my post/

Oh shit, I did it again! I missed your request. I take this stuff seriously... and can't even think of anything funny to add.