The Collected Poetry of Ivan Mectin

The FDA is AGAIN warning the public that Ivermectin is NOT an anti-viral.

https://www.newsnationnow.com/health/coronavirus/ivermectin-not-approved-covid-19-treatment-fda/

Song for Mr. Shtupper

Here’s to Mr. Shtupper, crossbow in his hand

No longer will he hunt deer

Nor longer till the land

He caught The Cove, began to wheeze

Before too long he could not breathe

His temp went up, his O2 down

And now he’s down beneath the ground

It can’t be blamed on his bad luck

No, he was just a stupid fuck

For us, it’s just another day

For him, there’s nothing more to say

The Nostril Less Taken

(With apologies to Robert Frost, and none to Lurid Looney)

Two nostrils diverged in an alien face,

And I was curious as to both

Of inquiring mind, there I stood

And looked up one as far as I could

To its terminus at the base of her brain;

Then looked up the other, lined with green goo,

And having perhaps a differing view,

Because it was plugged, in want of tissue;

Though as in want of sneezing spew

They looked to me about the same.

What shall she become in ages hence?

Shall she continue to hate Mike Pence?

And be inseminated by Roger Stone

To bear his demon spawn alone?

Shall she assist in crimes a-heinous?

As press secretary of the Orange Anus?

Shall her chin and her cheekbones

Be recycled into Legos?

Two nostrils diverged in an alien face , and I—

I looked up the one less mucus-y,

And that has made no difference.

LURID LOONEY PLEASE GET OUT

Lurid Looney, please get out

I’m tired of looking up your snout

I don’t care if you can’t taste food

Or that your head is made of wood

Eyebrows drawn with Sharpie pen

Must never spoil my lunch again

Nor evil pout, like MAGAt trout

Lurid Looney, please get out!

Tell Laura I love Her

Laura and Abdul were lovers

He wanted to give her everything

Camos, rifles, and most of all, a wedding ring

He saw a sign for a golf contest

At the nearest Trump golf shithole

He couldn't get Laura on the phone, to wit:

She was on her iPad, posting shit

Tell Laura I love her, tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura and Karl Rove

To get the shot, and not the Cove

He toots his car to the golfing grounds

He was the fattest MAGAt there

And the crowed roared as they started to swing

Down the fairway they drove with a deadly fling

No one knows what made him die

If flying ketchup got in his eye

But as they pulled him from Ivanka’s grave

With his dying breath, they heard him say

Tell Laura I love her, tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura not to moan

Though I’ll roast in hell with Roger Stone

On social media where Laura complains

’Bout Abdul who done passed away

It was just for Trump he lived and died

Alone at Log O Mierda she can hear him cry

Tell Laura I love her, tell Laura I need her

Tell Laura not to wait

That orange tub of goo will meet his fate

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I love her

Tell Laura I love her

GROWING SEASON 2

Ball cap, covid neck, immunosuppressed

Cootie catcher goatee, you know the rest

With all those comorbidities, he didn’t stand a chance

Now he’s an endless salad bar for worms and little ants

Self immolation has become an art

If they do themselves in, couldn’t say I give a fart

More O2 for me, and less wasted on you

As another swing state turns a little more blue

Growing Season

In the land of eternal snow

Lived a man who Covid laid low

Wouldn’t take him no shot

Then proceeded to rot

And only the worms did Grow

LANDO ELIJAH

Lando Elijah

What's it like where you’re reposing?

You are six feet under

And you’re slowly decomposing

Yes, you are

I guess you’ve detailed your last car

Worst move by far

Oh, it's what you did to you

Oh, it's what you did to you

Oh, it's what you did to you

Oh, it's what you did to you

What you did to you….

Dead Not Alive

It's fresh meat, only the names will change

Every day, it seems they’re wastin' away

Mostly red states, and their bodies are so cold

Posted stupid memes but now they’re not so bold

He’s a dipshit

On a hospital bed he died

And now he’s….dead not alive

Now he’s….dead not alive

Six Feet Under Sudbury

Zombies like to eat gray matter

In this guy’s case thar’s an empty platter

Dumbass should have had more sense

But he didn’t, so now he’s in the past tense

Please get the shot so you don’t go forth

like this foolish idjit from the great white North

YAKELY YAK

Just quit a-posting all those memes

I’m onto your Antiva schemes

If you had took one little shot

You wouldn’t be put underground to rot

Yakely yak (yer on crack)

She Finally FAFOed

Been wondering when this foolish one would meet her sorry fate

This will be a short one, cause I’m tired and it’s late

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehn and also sayonara

The worms convey their gratitude for your MAGAt marinara

Mandibular Pendejo

I’ve written my memorial poems

for MAGATs bad and worse

I’ve pointed out their foolish ways

with ridiculing verse

We’ve seen them all, and seen them fall

with thought processes weird

But till this day I’ve never done

A poem for a beard!

Mandibular pendejo ain’t the way to go

If you want to avoid triage

Safer by far to be shaven clean

and not grow a cootie garage

for the virus will say “Ooh, we like that!”

and inhabit your cootie habitat

Next thing you knows, your immune system went

and the cooties still live in your beard, without rent

So don’t be an idjit and don’t be an ass

And shave that face just as smooth as glass

Fonergoner

Pandemic and Covid comin'

Ain’t getting that vaccine, no

I hear ventilator hummin’'

One dead in Ohio

O2 is down now

Spike protein cutting us down

Let’s turn up his oxygen flow

What if you knew he was

Dumb as a box of rocks?

“Where’d my fuckin’ horse paste go?”

Na na-na-na, na-na na-na

Na na-na-na, na-na na

Na na-na-na, na-na na-na

Na na-na-na, na-na na

Saturation

I can't get O2 saturation

I can't get O2 saturation

'Cause I cough, and I cough, and I cough, and I cough

I can't get no, I can't get no

When I'm on my Farcebook

And my friends come on my feed

They’re telling me more and more

About some vaxxing information true

Supposed to keep me from turning blue

I can't get no, oh, no, no, no, hey, hey, hey

That's what I say

I can't get O2 saturation

I can't get no oxygenation

'Cause I cough, and I cough, and I cough, and I cough

I can't get no, I can't get no

Well I’m in my bullshit world

And I’m posting this and lyin’ bout that

And I’m tryin’ to make some girl

She says “Baby better come back, maybe next week,

I got Covid clots in both my feet”

Ree-deep (He croaked)

Angry Dick from the Florida Sticks

Angry white guy full of rage

Another meme, another page

Drink too much? Was mom craycray?

Was your brain just naturally made that way?

Spouse’s O2, downward rampin’

You thought it best to keep on campin’

Her face turned blue, her tongue turned red

Went into hospice and came out dead

Did you miss her? Probably

But you failed to connect points a and b:

If she got the shot, she’d still have life

And you’d not be looking for another wife

A Gaggle of Idiots

A gaggle of idiots gathered to pray

They badgered the Lord just to get their own way

Did it make any difference? I don’t think so

She’s still on the O2, highest rate flow

I never thought it would ever come to this

They take ivermectin, they drink their own piss

Don’t forget zinc and vitamins too

All that won’t stop the Cove from coming for you

My heart’s long been hardened, I no longer care

If they shit in the bed and they struggle for air

This may sound cruel, but I think it is true:

The world is a much saner place without you

Stick an American Fork in Her, Cause She is Done....

Laid low by a viral varmint

Though she wore her temple garment

Didn’t help her, not one bit

Stuck in a hospital, sick as shit

Near shuffled off her mortal coil

In spite of the anointing oil

Root cause of this awful mess?

She overdosed on LDS

Another Caustic Acrostic

Found out after effin around

After a necrofeline rebound

For life can turn to shit in a flash

Oh, your wife will be spending

Much Go Fraud Me cash

And you won’t know, cause yer

Gonna be below

An acrostic for you, Mr. Blue

Weekend at Bernie’s, Strapped to a Gurney

He looks like heck with a hole in his neck

But damn, he owned them lib’ruls!

Can barely talk, barely walk

But damn, he owned them lib’ruls!

Not much left but bones and skin

Bedsores to fit a dead cat in

Does he rue donning his hat of tin?

Hell no, he owned them lib’ruls!