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    cath
    Jun 17

    Finest Trumpisms.

    in General Discussion

    A guide to understanding Trumpspeak:


    “It’s gonna be incredible.” = I haven’t thought about it—it’s in the future.


    “It’s gonna be fantastic.” = I briefly thought about it, but will forget about it once my circadian rhythm resets.


    “It’s gonna be terrific.” = I’ve passed it along to Congress, so blame them when it fails.


    “It’s gonna be huge.” = It will be flashy and tacky.


    “It’s gonna be so huge.” = It will be flashy and tacky, with gold lettering.


    “Experts say .?.?. ” = Sean Hannity said . . .


    “Everyone’s saying .?.?. ” = Someone in the Fox News comments section said .?.?.


    “I’ve been hearing .?.?. ” = Barr told me .?.?.


    “I’ve been seeing .?.?. ” = Ivanka showed me .?.?.


    “A lot of people.” = Me.


    “Facts.” = 1. Statements not yet verified by conspiracy theorists. 2. Statements—often from scientists—with no profit motive.


    “Lies.” = 1. Statements about me colluding with Russia. 2. Un-airbrushed facts.


    “Sad” = 1. All-purpose, monosyllabic expression of distress, remonstration, condemnation, anger, frustration, pique, or calumny. If tweeted, “Sad” appears as a single-word sentence fragment, followed by an exclamation point. As an utterance, it is shouted as if one is an umpire. 2. Rare, archaic: sorrowful.


    “I have all the best words.” = I cornered the market on some top-of-the-line monosyllabic words in a leveraged buyout.


    “I’ve always been a good student.” = I attended school.


    “I’m hard at work.” = I’m golfing alone.


    “I’m working hard.” = I’m golfing with others.


    “I’m not being investigated.” = It’s not an investigation if the detective isn’t wearing dark glasses and a fedora.


    “He’s straight outta Central Casting.” = He’s a tall, straight, lantern-jawed white man.


    “He’s the perfect man for the job.” = He’ll be great at obliterating the department he’s heading.


    “He’s doing an incredible job.” = He works for me, and he’s a terrific liar.


    “He’s done an incredible job.” = He doesn’t lie as well as he used to, and may soon be fired.


    “He’s a disappointment.” = Due to his slavish devotion to ethics, he’s been fired.


    “He’s somewhat disappointing.” = I don’t like his beta-male looks and behavior, and, besides, he’s low-energy.


    “He’s a good kid.” = I don’t like his beta-male looks and behavior, but both Ivana and the paternity test say he’s my son.


    “He’s a good man.” = I don’t know the guy, but he’s right here in front of me, smiling.


    “He’s an excellent man.” = He may be smarter than me, but that does not make me dumber than him.


    “Women.” = Blondes.


    “Nasty women.” = Women whose blondness has been revoked due to: a) childbirth; b) middle age; c) policy knowledge and/or general knowledge; d) court settlements; e) high-heel abstinence


    “Americans.” = People in states that voted for me.


    “People.” = White people.


    “Fine people.” = White supremacists.


    “Those people.” = People in countries that I’ve never heard of.


    “Those ungrateful people.” = Black people.


    “Those happy people.” = People on islands surrounded by big water who are claiming to be Americans, yet complaining to me about something.


    “Paris.” = Europe.


    “Europe.” = An entire continent of blue states.


    “Angela Merkel.” = German Hillary.


    “Justin Trudeau.” = Canadian Emmanuel Macron.


    “Emmanuel Macron.” = Young, French, non-Kenyan Obama.


    “Globalists.” = All non-Jared Jews.


    “Thugs.” = All non-Ben Carson black people.


    “Illegals.” = All non-Ricardo Montalban Mexicans.


    “Terrorists” = All non-Saudi Muslims.


    ............................................................


    7 comments
    7 Comments

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    oppnhk98c12s
    Jun 18

    Trump has only the finest trumpisms. The best trumpisms. There have never been trumpisms like trump’s trumpisms. Everyone says so.

    Like

    L
    Liverpool
    Jun 18
    •

    "Not a lot of people know this" = "meaning my dumb ass found out about this like 5 mins ago" (Abe Lincoln was a Republican)


    "I'm REALLY good/smart at this stuff"= "meaning I know fuck-all about what anyone's talking about, but it sure makes me sound good"


    "My uncle was good at this stuff, like MIT smart"= he was the dumbest mythafuckas I knew"

    Like

    C
    Chonkmaster General
    Jun 18

    “Fake news” = “true things I don’t like”


    ”shithole countries” = “any country with brown people unless they’re filthy rich”


    Like

    S
    Silver Shamrock
    Jun 18
    •

    Excellent post, Cath

    Like

    jvraines
    Jun 18

    "People are saying" = The new lie I thought up this morning.

    Like

    T
    TotsNPears
    Jun 18
    •

    Love this!

    Like

    D
    Dip Dibbler
    Jun 17
    •

    excellence in interpretation!

    Like
    7 comments

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